I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
