Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wear drunk well.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
