Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
