Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
