i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
