I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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