Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
