i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
