I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
