you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
