Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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