dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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