i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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