I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
