that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
