i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
