I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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