Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
