i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
