Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
