the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
