Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You took a bar mat shot.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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