The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
