yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
