I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
