pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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