Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize