happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
