I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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