You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
