Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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