Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
