only you would photoshop your dick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
