____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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