did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize