i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
