I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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