Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
