...so i touched it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
