FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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