yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
