HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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