I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
