this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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