She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
false alarm, still single
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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