She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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