i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
