dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
