Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
