Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im part way to drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
