So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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