The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just puked most of my soul out..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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