Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
