You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have to summon your inner elephant
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
