if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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