This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
