I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
