i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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