I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
