All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
