I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
