1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
