Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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