he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
