I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize