Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
