nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
