Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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