You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My dick has a subreddit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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