Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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