ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your dad touched me again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
