So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the liver wants what the liver wants
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
