East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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