I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
