dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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