um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
