That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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