I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
