K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
