I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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