but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
