literally had 100 drinks last night.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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