3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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