ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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