just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
