you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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