Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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