Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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