somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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