I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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